Martyr, Martyr

Please excuse all typos. I'm using a keyboard for the iPad mini that I got for Christmas. It's quite difficult to type. Haha. 

   Yesterday (the 26th) was the feast day of St. Stephen, the first ever recorded martyr in history. Maryrdom has always been one of my favorite subjects of Christianity; not in some twisted way but because I believe there is nothing more beautiful than taking your faith so far that you literally let it be the death (and birth) of you. I have always been entracnced by the saints who have such incredible stories of martyrdom. There are two types of martyrdom: spiritual martyrdom and physical martyrdom. Spiritual martyrdom (which I have just recently discovered the significance of) is when you live some form of martyrdom out daily wether it be offering up your suffering for the souls in purgatory or living as a poor missionary. Physical martyrdom (which is my favorite) is when you literally die for your faith.

   My two favorite saints (and best friends) are both martyrs. St. Therese of Liseux is a matyr in the sence that during her 23 years of life and constant suffering, she perservered and looked at her suffering as a gift. She once said that she felt closest to God while she was suffering. St. Cecelia is a martyr who was sentenced to beheading. The executioner struck her head three times but her head just wouldn't come off. She lie with a split head for three days. During her suffering, it is said that angels appeared and sang to her. 

   With all of these incredible stories, I have always wondered how these saints of God perservered and stuck it out through all the trials that were thrown their way. I have heard stories of men and women who were forced to walk on nails, burned alive and tortured and beaten and I wonder How did they do it? 

    In yesterday's gospel (Matthew 10:17-22), Jesus is telling His disciples about the trials and struggles that come along with being His follower. He says we will be handed over to the courts and scouraged but that we shouldn't worry as to what we will say. This isn't just literally, but also figurtively. Now I have heard this story and these verses plenty of times, but when I read it the other day it was like BAM! THERE IT IS! I fully understood what Jesus meant when He went on to say, "When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say. For it will not be you who speak but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you."

   This past year, I went through a phase where my (This sounds horrible, I know.) dream was to be a martyr. Not a spiritual martyr, but a physical one. My godbrother gave me so much crap everytime I would say something about it because he thought I was being disrespectful. But I wasn't meaning to be. It's just that I've always wanted to be that person who goes down screaming and who really shakes up the world and makes everyone realize that being a Christian isn't just some role to play; it's for real. It's so real that I would be willing to die to prove it. What better way to tell everyone that Jesus is the pearl beyond price, right? The thing that had me stumped was my wondering how I would withstand it if push came to shove. Would I really last? Could my faith in what I know to be true and believe in with my whole being be strong enough to look death in the eye and say that the gates of hell will not prevail? I know all of this to be true but would my flawed humanity give in? What makes these heroic men and women so special? The HOLY SPIRIT. 

   Whenever the Spirit is flowing you do things you normally would never have the guts to do. Trust me. It is seriously like you are a wrench and The Lord is the one using you to tighten up a bolt. It's incredible. So last night when Jesus said, "For it will not be you who speak but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you," it just clicked. I got it. 

   Jesus gave us Holy Communion, His REAL body and blood, to sustain us; so we could be with Him physically for a little while until we get to be with Him in Heaven forever. This verse and what it showed me reminds me of this. It makes me think that when someone is martyred, the Holy Spirit comes to them and gifts the spirit and grace of stong perrserverance. Think about it. It makes sense. If you go to the stake to die for Jesus, He's not just gonna leave ya hanging. This answers all of my questions about how the martyrs did it. This may seem like a long post just to say that the Spirit will take care of it all, but to me it was a huge revelation. The answer was right there in black and white but for some reason, I never saw it before. 

I love it when Jesus shows me the answer to something I'd been wondering about for a long time when I never even asked him to in the first place. I guess it just goes to show that He knows my heart better than I do. 

A Discerning Teen

The Week of the Goat

     One of my favorite anon Catholic tweeters (who happens to be a coffee enthusiast) tweeted this today: “I won’t often admit mistakes, but today I may have added a little too much sugar in my coffee...”

               I totally agree.

               Not about the sugar part but about not admitting mistakes. I hardly ever admit my mistakes. It’s not that I pretend like I’m perfect; I’m definitely anything but perfect. I just don’t like pointing out my past mistakes or talking about them.

               In Sunday’s gospel, Matthew says that in the Second Coming Jesus will put the sheep to his right and the goats to his left. Then Jesus goes on to tell the sheep (the righteous) the good they did and the goats (the unrighteous) the wrong they did. The sheep’s response is one of humility: “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you or thirsty and give you drink?”

The goats’ response is prideful: “Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and NOT minister to your needs?”

               I have meditated on this reading several times this past week and what keeps coming back to me is Am I a sheep or a goat? I have come to the conclusion that I try (sometimes harder than others) to be a sheep, but every so often –like really often- I am a goat.

               In What Are You Waiting For?: The One Thing No One Tells You About Sex, Dannah Gresh says, “Very few guys overcome their porn problem in isolation, but I’ve seen great victory when they walk in community with other men.” She also says, “A man who is too proud to confess his faults is going to have some difficult times in the future.”

This is so true. Not just about porn, but with every sin that exists. This brings me to 1 Peter 5:5: “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

               This past week has convinced me that it is very hard to overcome whatever sin you struggle with if no one knows about it. As humans, we all struggle with pride. Pride is the sin that got Lucifer kicked out of Heaven and it is also the sin that leads to all other sins. If we give in to the sin of pride, we are too PROUD to admit that we are struggling. Think about it, if no one knows that you are struggling there will be no one there to hold you to the standard of not committing that sin. I have seen with myself and others that we try to make ourselves feel better. I know that if I am struggling with something, I feel guilty, but then my mind tries to convince itself that it’s okay to sin because God loves me anyway. God DOES love you NO MATTER WHAT, but at the same time, when we sin, we are pulling ourselves away from God. God isn’t the one who damns you to hell, you are.

               James 5:16: “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”

               It is very hard to tell someone that you are struggling, no matter what that struggle may be. Pride comes in and tells you that you are okay, that you are fine and don’t need to be healed or prayed for. If you think you are fine, there is no reason to pray for yourself. This is why we NEED to tell someone to pray for us and our struggles.

               I have been a goat a lot here lately. I went on a discernment retreat last weekend and came home with the mindset that I was going to try harder than ever to be a sheep all the time. What do ya know, this week has been the week of the goat. I have been so mean to my sister and I got in a completely ridiculous fight with my mom this morning. But I am sitting here asking you to pray for me.

From now on, I am not pretending that I don’t struggle. I will tell my best friend or a priest (Or one of my new favorite Little Sisters!) and ask them to pray for me.

               When I saw Lecrae in concert this past year he said that the beauty of being a Christian isn't that we are perfect but that we are broken and need a Savior.

Why pretend we aren’t broken when that’s the whole reason Jesus died for us?

In Christ,

Elizabeth Hope

CONFIRMATION

  Today I had my first confirmation class! My little church has a youth group of 3 families and we ALL are best friends and grew up together. Out of 6 of us, only 3 are being confirmed this coming year, including myself. I. Am. So. Excited! I am so excited for the Archbishop to lay his hand on my little (big) head and to utter those words that will bring forth the Holy Spirit to endow me with the graces I will need on this crazy journey we call life! I am excited to receive another blessed, holy sacrament that Jesus graced us flawed humans with! He knew that He was going to leave us soon and that we would need something to keep us going strong. Enter, Pentacost (my fave day of the year)! I think the reason I am so excited to receive Confirmation is because it ALWAYS has reminded me of when those tongues of fire began dancing above the Apostles' heads. It reminds me of how when the Holy Spirit comes upon us, we are new! It's a fresh start! I know every time I feel the Holy Spirit (a pretty good bit) I just have this overwhelming feeling come over me that lets me know that everything I've ever done, all my past mistakes, all my failures and hurts, are taken care of! I've always wanted to live a life that was go, go, go for God. I've always wanted to be that person that had incredible trust in God! When I discovered my possible vocation, the hardest thing for me to accept was that maybe my go, go, go life wasn't going to be lived in any way I thought it would be. I didn't see how I could accomplish the things, the dreams I've wanted to for so long. Everyone kept telling me, "Elizabeth, as long as you're doing God's will, you will be happiest." I know that! But it doesn't make the reality of it any easier. So for the past few weeks, I have been working on my trust in God that whatever happens, whatever I am called to do or be, will be whatever is going to make me happiest in the end. I have also been trying not to think about it much, to just give it up to God and LET GO! Another part of me wants to just avoid my calling like I did for years. But I know that now that is not an option. I will be held accountable for pulling the wool over my own eyes. Don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with being a nun. It is certainly not the boring life I thought it was -I've learned that it is anything but boring and predictable- but no one likes knowing that the plans they had are crap. The confirmation curriculum my godmother chose is called Chosen. So far it is amazing. The lesson today was talking about how, no matter who we are, we all want the same thing: happiness. Why do you want to be a rockstar? Somehow, you think it will make you happy. Why do you want to be rich and famous? You think it will make you happy. While we were discussing what we thought being "chosen" meant, I said that in a general sense, as are all chosen to be a Child of God. We are all made the same. We were all made by the same God. We all have the same creator. Therefore, we naturally all want and we're made for the same thing: God's love (really, to serve Him). But today, everyone generates that want into something simpler: happiness. But it all comes back to this: what is the essence of happiness? What do we all REALLY want and need? God! One thing I brought up in discussion was that the reason everyone generates that want and need into something else is because people have a problem with having rules and commands. No one likes to be told what to do. But would you mind it if your eternal life or eternal damnation depended on it? The CHOICE is yours. The closing prayer said that everyone has a holy purpose in this life. We are all called to do something, but it's the matter of wether or not you answer that call. But in the end, what will make you happy? The path that was designed solely for you by your CREATOR or the path that you believe you designed better?

During the next two weeks, I will be reflecting on this and praying that I may give my life in full surrender to God. I challenge you to do the same! 

In Prayer,

A Discerning Teen

Grab Your Glasses!

  I got glasses today! My vison is just bad enough to need glasses, but when I put them on for the first time, it was incredible. I could read the street signs when I drove! Dangerous, I know, but I honestly didn't know how little I could see before. I haven't taken them off except when I got in the shower earlier. Thinking about this, I can't help but think that this is how we are when we are even the slightest bit away from Jesus and His amazing mercy. When you look at your life, you may think, Oh, I'm such a great Christian because I try my best, or, I am much more Christ-like he is. But take a closer look. Is there maybe even one thing that holds us back from stepping even further toward God's love for us? I guarantee you there is. Maybe it's fighting unnessecarily with your siblings (one of my problems) or arguing with your parents even when you know they are right. Every little things pulls us further away from where we could be. My vison was 20/30 (or something like that) yet I couldn't read street signs until I was right up on them. I couldn't read a sign that was more than 10 feet away. Sin works the same way. We all struggle with it. After all, we are human. We were not made perfect. Sin, like anything else, is addictive, but just like an alcoholic, it is what pulls us away from what should matter most. God and our walk toward Heaven is what should influence our every move. In order to move toward our goal, eternal life, we must get rid of all hindrances. Take a minute and think about that one thing that always seems to come back and ruin your day. Or that one person who, just by opening their mouth, ticks you off. Whatever it may be, I challenge you to get rid of it. If your problem is spending too much time watching tv instead of with your family, turn the tv off and have a family conversation. If someone just seems to always be eating away at your patience, avoid that person or, if that's not possible, pray for them and for yourself while you are speaking to them. I promise you your life will be so much easier. Start out small. Spend one week focusing on getting rid of you hindrances. Then, if it works out, keep doing what you're doing to get rid of that thing. I know for me, my hindrance was a certain relationship. This person always ticked me off or said something that led to us gossiping. It eventually came to the point where I couldn't take if anymore. Every time I spoke to this person, I literally felt like I was walking away from God. So I ended the friendship. It has been months since I have spoken to this person and I am happier and closed to God than I have ever been. I don't gossip like I used to and when I do, I now have the strength to stop. So I challenge you to take your vision test, grab your glasses, and put them on so you can see! Then, get used to driving better. 

Sincerely,

A Discerning Teen

P. S. It's been a very long day and I have a headache due to not being used to seeing properly. So please excuse my cheesiness. 

Coming Out

  Crazy title but it got your attention, right? These past few months have been a whirlwind for me. A few months ago, I, a charismatic, outspoken, Catholic girl whose goal in life is to serve her King with her life and music, admitted for the first time ever that she might just be called to the nunnery. Yeah. Wow, right? I learned that admitting something like this out loud is probably the hardest thing ever. It takes a crazy amount of annoying courage. Honestly, I have felt the calling for a few years now. But I want to get married. I want to have kids. I want to drive a Buick Lucrene (feel free to laugh, my mom did) that has car seats in the back seat and backpacks in the trunk. If you're reading this blog, feel special. At the moment, the only people who know about my possible vocation are my parents, three out of five of my siblings, my best friends Brandon and Theresa, my god-family, and another close family that I call my "Spiritual Brethren" (shoutout to Dawn Coty!). I asked everyone not to tell because I didn't want the word getting out and wind up hearing biased opinions from my less-than-spiritual peers and extended family. This was something I wanted to figure out on my own, pray about on my own, and get an answer from God on my own. Then, four days ago, God threw me together with a teen in Ireland who is also discerning the call to religious life. She doesn't have a supportive or spiritual family. No one knows about what she is discerning except her atheist best friend. She is dying to tell her parish priest but is worried that even he won't be supportive. I realized how blessed I am to have the support behind me that I do. I know that if my friend -let's call her Mary- could tell everyone she knows, she would shout it from the rooftops. But she can't. I can. So I will. This spiritual journey, or whatever you want to call it, is something I want to document. Wether I become the next Mother Angelica or the next Mrs. Brady, I am being called to religious life. Is religious life my vocation? I have no dagum clue, but this is something God will let me know in His own time. I feel like if I can use my discernment period in the right way, I might give someone else the courage to answer their call. But first, let me tell y'all about myself.

I love music. Like, a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. I sing all the time. I play guitar and used to play a little piano. The next instrument I pick up will be drums. I am obsessed with NCIS (I love you, Tony DiNozzo!), but NOT NCIS: LA. I love movies. I could live at the movie theatre. I am also obsessed with 30 Seconds To Mars, 7eventh Time Down (I met them!!!!! Best. Night. Ever.), and Skillet. I have seen Newsboys in concert twice, three times this October. I WILL be a Christian rocker even if I'm in a habit. I am obsessed with my mini schnauzer, Mitzi, and send at least four pictures of her to Brandon every week. I am a major dork and almost never go outside. The other day, I drank 7 cups of decaf coffee. No lie. I am probably the easiest person to talk to because I never shut up. I am super socially awkward because I say stupid things because I don't care what people think but I will go out of my way to make someone feel comfortable. Sometimes. I. Love. Kids. I am super ambitious and I want to be a martyr. The biggest lesson I have learned in life is that if you want to be a follower of Christ, you have to give your whole life, every second, every minute, and to do that, you absolutely cannot care what people think about you. I have been through some tough crap in my life but I thank God for it because it honestly has made me so much stronger. So I am prepared for the messages and jokes that might possibly result from post. But I don't care. I need everyone's prayers and the support from those who choose to do so. But be warned: I deal with things by making a joke out of them and by using sarcasm. This blog will probably be funny (but then again, no one ever laughs at me. I laugh at myself. Haha.) but everything I say on here is completely serious and honest!

Sincerely,

A Discerning Teen