One of my
favorite anon Catholic tweeters (who happens to be a coffee enthusiast) tweeted
this today: “I won’t often admit mistakes, but today I may have added a little
too much sugar in my coffee...”
I totally agree.
Not about the sugar part but
about not admitting mistakes. I hardly ever admit my mistakes. It’s not that I pretend
like I’m perfect; I’m definitely anything but perfect. I just don’t like pointing
out my past mistakes or talking about them.
In Sunday’s gospel, Matthew says
that in the Second Coming Jesus will put the sheep to his right and the goats
to his left. Then Jesus goes on to tell the sheep (the righteous) the good they
did and the goats (the unrighteous) the wrong they did. The sheep’s response is
one of humility: “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you or thirsty and
give you drink?”
The goats’
response is prideful: “Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a
stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and NOT minister to your needs?”
I have meditated on this reading
several times this past week and what keeps coming back to me is Am I a sheep or a goat? I have come to
the conclusion that I try (sometimes harder than others) to be a sheep, but
every so often –like really often- I am a goat.
In What Are You Waiting For?: The One Thing No One Tells You About Sex, Dannah
Gresh says, “Very few guys overcome their porn problem in isolation, but I’ve
seen great victory when they walk in community with other men.” She also says, “A
man who is too proud to confess his faults is going to have some difficult
times in the future.”
This is so
true. Not just about porn, but with every sin that exists. This brings me to 1
Peter 5:5: “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
This past week has convinced me
that it is very hard to overcome whatever sin you struggle with if no one knows
about it. As humans, we all struggle with pride. Pride is the sin that got
Lucifer kicked out of Heaven and it is also the sin that leads to all other
sins. If we give in to the sin of pride, we are too PROUD to admit that we are
struggling. Think about it, if no one knows that you are struggling there will be
no one there to hold you to the standard of not committing that sin. I have
seen with myself and others that we try to make ourselves feel better. I know
that if I am struggling with something, I feel guilty, but then my mind tries
to convince itself that it’s okay to sin because God loves me anyway. God DOES
love you NO MATTER WHAT, but at the same time, when we sin, we are pulling ourselves
away from God. God isn’t the one who damns you to hell, you are.
James 5:16: “Therefore, confess
your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.
The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”
It is very hard to tell someone
that you are struggling, no matter what that struggle may be. Pride comes in
and tells you that you are okay, that you are fine and don’t need to be healed
or prayed for. If you think you are fine, there is no reason to pray for yourself.
This is why we NEED to tell someone to pray for us and our struggles.
I have been a goat a lot here
lately. I went on a discernment retreat last weekend and came home with the
mindset that I was going to try harder than ever to be a sheep all the time.
What do ya know, this week has been the week of the goat. I have been so mean
to my sister and I got in a completely ridiculous fight with my mom this
morning. But I am sitting here asking you to pray for me.
From now on, I am not pretending that I don’t struggle. I will tell my
best friend or a priest (Or one of my new favorite Little Sisters!) and ask them to
pray for me.
When I saw Lecrae in
concert this past year he said that the beauty of being a Christian isn't that
we are perfect but that we are broken and need a Savior.
Why pretend
we aren’t broken when that’s the whole reason Jesus died for us?
In Christ,
Elizabeth
Hope
